Camp

Dear Campton Thomas,
If you ever get a chance to read mommy's blog you'll see weekly updates for your sisters pregnancy and none for yours. I hope you don't resent me for that as it has been a very busy 37 weeks and your big sister is a tiny tornado that cannot be slowed down! Please know it does not mean I love you less or haven't thought about you, it has just been a complete whirlwind and at some point my love for writing dwindled.
   We have been on this journey together for almost 37 weeks and you have been so much nicer to mommy than Tenley was. I had some nausea with you but nothing like with your sister. You are a stubborn little guy and wouldn't show us a good picture of your spine at your anatomy scan, but did good the next time. We did two 4D ultrasounds in hopes of seeing your sweet little face and you gave us very little to work with. We could see your sweet little chubby cheeks just like your sister had! I started to feel you around 18 weeks and you are quite the mover! You make bigger movements than Tenley did and its pretty much nonstop. I have a feeling this might be a glimpse of what life with you will be like in the years to come.
   We are so excited to meet you Camp, and I promise you are going to love your family so much. While I would like to be talking mostly about myself, I will be just one of many people who will love you more than you can ever imagine. You are going to love you Daddy and sister. They are so amazing. It will be a little bit but before long you will be right in the middle of them wrestling and chasing each other up and down the hallway. I have no doubt it will be three against one most times, even though I have prayed for a sweet little mama's boy, since your daddy has your sister wrapped around her finger. But no, I'm willing to bet I will be out numbered (rightfully so, your dad is ah-maz-ing) and that's OK because I am just so blessed to be apart of this family God has given me. Don't get me wrong, I think you'll like me too. I'm just a better "cuddler" than "player." There will be no shortage of cuddles and kisses from me, I wonder how long you and your sister are going to let this continue before it's no longer cool.
   You should be here in the next three weeks or so and I am fine with sooner than later..just so you know:) Everything is ready for you and we cannot wait to meet you. I feel more sure than I did with Tenley and also a little anxious because I know exactly how exhausted I will. I have to say I am looking forward to our quiet times together at all hours of the night. I'm looking forward to the weight of you on my chest and that newborn smell that will be imprinted on me forever. I anxiously await your first cry and I can't wait to plant kisses all over your sweet little face. You are going to change our lives forever and it's going to amazing!
   We love you so much Campton Thomas. We cannot wait to meet you!

     Baby #2 at 10 Weeks

Well little baby I guess it is time I get on the ball and start you a little blog post like I did with your sister. I tried to post her's weekly, monthly after she was born, and then I tapered off because...well...life gets in the way. You're sister is a bit of a tiny tornado and your dad and I do our best to keep up with her!

 I am almost 10 weeks with you and we haven't really given you a nick name. We called Tenley Nugget but nothing sounds right for you. We still call her "the baby" so we are referring to you as the "little baby." We got to see your sweet little self on the ultrasound a few weeks ago. You had a strong and steady heart beat of 169 beats per minute. Your big sister watched intently and even gave you an "awww!" She kisses you every day and says "kiss baby sisters." The ultrasound just showed one perfect little baby and we are great with that! You are being a lot nicer to mommy than Tenley was. I'm not as sick and just have small bouts of queasiness in the afternoons. I am hungry all the time..like cannot get enough to eat but I have lost 3 lbs. And you make me so tired little baby. I hope you are using all my energy to grow and develop so you will be ready for us in February.
  I told your daddy about you on Father's Day and he is so excited. We told your grandparents around the 4th of July and they are over the moon. We all are. I want you to know that this family God has chosen for you....well it doesn't get much better. I am in constant awe of how many people truly care and love your sister and I know it will be the same for you. I can't wait to find out if you are a rambunctious little boy or another sweet little girl. Either way I'm going to do my best not to rush this pregnancy because there is a very good chance you are the last little baby. We check on your on your Aunt D's birthday and I'm looking forward to hearing the most beautiful sound in the world. the sound of your tiny heart beat filling the room. Easily the most comforting sound in the world!
  We pray for you constantly and I hope you know how much you are loved! I'll do my best to keep up with your blog posts but take it easy on me ok?
Love you more than you know, little baby!

Tenley is 9 Months Old!

Tenley Hope,
It is that time again! You are 9 months old! To be honest with you this blog post almost didn't happen! It has been a crazy few weeks baby girl! It is funny to think you have spent as much time in the outside world as you did in my tummy. I LOVED being pregnant with you. You made me sick as a dog the first couple (read fifteen) weeks, but other than that it was smooth sailing. It was one of the happiest times of our lives but nothing is better than having you here in our arms.
  Monkey girl you are so big. You are a crawling, pulling up machine. You are into everything and so curious about the world around you. You love to people watch. When we go out to eat we have hard time keeping you in your high chair because you are completely turned around hamming it up with who ever will pay you any attention. I hope you stay like this. Sweet, friendly, outgoing. You eat anything and everything. We do a mixture of baby food and real food. You have 6 or 7 teeth! Your little smile is adorable.
You love to talk and are starting to make different sounds. Daddy calls them karate sounds. Somewhere along the way you lost "mama and dada" but we are practicing! You are still a fantastic sleeper. Two naps a day and sleeping all night. You sleep in your crib half the night and then get in bed with us. Your daddy and I both agree there is nothing better than waking up to you. As soon as your little eyes pop open you are rolling over so you can sit up. You lean your head on us and smile. You are seriously happy most of the time. We were at Aunt D's new job (Field and Stream) and she was walking around with you. We heard a baby screaming and the cashier asked us if it was you. I said "No ma'am, my baby doesn't cry!" We are so blessed to have you Tenley.
  You are in a size 4 diaper and 9 month clothes. I have no idea on your weight and height but we go for your appointment Monday! Just a few days after that we will be going on your first beach trip! I hope you love the sand, but know, daddy HATES it! I'm sure he will suffer through it for you, sweet girl.
  We got you a big girl car seat yesterday. I remember how tiny you were in your smaller car seat. Time sure is flying and I am treasuring ever single day. It's hard to believe we are three fourths of the way done with your first year. You make us complete and I'm so glad you are ours. We got the best little girl out of the whole bunch.
Love you more than you know Tenley Hope!

"Yall want me to sit still for a picture? Are you nuts!?"

Can we try sitting with Daddy?

"umm. no."

Mommy and Daddy outsmart the baby and give her her favorite thing to pull up on.

Mommy and Daddy-1

Tenley-0

Tenley is 8 Months Old!

My sweet Tenley,

You are 8 months old! I really do feel like this month went by faster than the last. Maybe it is because for the first time in 17 months (including pregnancy) I was away from you for a whole 6 days. You'll never know how hard that was for me. I missed you so terribly I could actually feel my heart hurting. You, on the other hand got along just fine. You had your Daddy who did fantastic as always. I was so ready to come home to yall, and finally my heart was complete again.

You are becoming such a big girl. It's like every day you learn something new. You are trying so hard to crawl, I can tell you are getting frustrated because you just want to be mobile. I noticed you pulling up onto your knees last night and I have no doubt it won't be long and we will be chasing you all over the place. Right now you are getting around really good in your walker. You chase the cats and run to us when you see us. It is so funny watching you run around and explore. You are so curious and want to touch/put everything in your mouth. We've started telling you "no!" and you really seem to understand. Sometimes I tell you "no!" and you start throwing a fit but you don't do whatever it is again. You are so smart my sweet girl.

You've started saying "Da Da". You absolutely refuse to say "Ma Ma" in fact when I tell you to say "Ma Ma" you look at me and say "Da Da?" Of course your daddy gets a kick out of this. You are learning to wave bye and I swear I heard you say "HEY!" the other day. You do lots of blabbering and squealing, you love to hear yourself talk. I won't say which parent you get that from! :)

You are still in a size 3 diaper and 6 month clothes. You have 2 bottom teeth, and a 3rd just popped through (that may actually need to go on the 9 month post, because this one is late...anyways!) I can see your top two teeth they just haven't broken the skin yet.  You literally eat anything we give you, you're like your Momma in that way:) You are not picky in the slightest.

 You have the sweetest little personality. People stop us in the store to tell us how beautiful you are. You then lay you head my shoulder and bat your eyelashes, really hamming it up for them! You love to hear MiMi and Aunt D sing the "Hop" song, or the "Duck" song.

Tenley Hope, you amaze me every single day. Your Daddy and I are constantly laughing at you and being with you is the best thing ever. Thank you for being the missing piece to our little puzzle. Sometimes I look at you and think, "She is why I am here, She is my purpose." If you are the only thing I get right in this whole world, I'll be ok with that. Your are so perfect and I am so proud to be your Momma.
We love you Tenley Hope. More than you could ever know.

Tenley is 7 Months Old!

 My sweet Tenley,
Somehow you are 7 months old. We are approaching the one year mark so fast that I feel myself trying to grip time, and slow it all down. I'm struggling with how big you are getting. You recently decided you don't want me to rock you to sleep anymore and I hate that so much. I begged you last night as your were having your fit to please let momma rock you one last time. "Please sweet girl, just one more time and I won't ask again." I told you with tears in my eyes. You however were having no part of it. I tried putting you in your crib and your daddy and I let you cry it out for a whole two minutes. Neither of us can stand to hear you upset. So I laid you down in the bed with me, you turned on your side and cuddled up as close as you could get. You looked at me with your big beautful blue eyes and pretty much said, "thank you Momma, this is where I want to be." And who am I to deny you that? I told myself I would put you in the pack n' play when you drifted off to sleep but that didn't happen either.

 At seven months your personality is definitely showing! Your daddy and I laugh at you constantly. You are so busy and want to look and explore everything. Anytime we go out we always have people compliment our beautiful baby girl, they tell you how chunky and cute your cheeks are.

You are still wearing a size 3 diaper. Your last weight check was somewhere around 16 pounds. You eat 6 oz every 4 hours. You can sit up completely on your own. You don't mind sitting in a high chair at a restaurant as long as we feed you!
 You aren't scooting or crawling  yet, but I think we are close!

You were doing really good about sleeping in the pack n' play half the night, but that was when you were letting me rock you. I guess we will have to work on that.

We feed you pretty much anything we eat and we love watching you experiencing new stuff! You love re fried beans, puffs, rice  rusks, pancakes, eating tomoatoes with daddy, and pretty much anything we give you.

You are mimicking really well. If we squeal or blow with our mouth you will do it back. You jabber all the time! We've heard "da da" a couple of times. You only say "mama" when you are upset.

You love Sophie, your blankets, your xylophone, and anything you can chew on!

Tenley Hope these last seven moths have been a whirlwind. We are so blessed to have you! You are the light of our lives. Your Daddy and I love you more than you could ever know!

To her Daddy, on Father's Day

Mark,
This weekend we will celebrate your first Father's Day! You've been Daddy or Daddio for the last seven months and you have seriously ROCKED it. I always knew you would be a great dad but you exceeded my expectations by leaps and bounds. I know without a shadow of a doubt you love our daughter more than anything in this whole world. I know I don't tell you enough how amazing you are and I am sorry for that. I take for granted how good you are with her and how much you help me. You show me every day what an amazing Daddy you are. You used to not be much of a morning person but now you roll over as soon as you hear her and say "Good morning baby girl" and she smiles that beautiful smile. I hear you two chatting as you change her diaper and then feed her while I get ready. I love that you bring her to meet me at the door when I get home. And when I bring her to the door to meet you on my days off, I love that she smiles and kicks her legs because she is so excited her daddy is home. Y'all's bath routine may be my favorite part of the day. I try to find something else to do so you two can spend time together. You sing to her and yall play with her toys to her little hearts content. I've seen my sweet husband with quite a weak stomach man up on some pretty rough diapers. You've ridden in the back seat during a mid-ride melt down just to hold her hand and tell her "Its ok baby girl, daddy's got you." And you do. Every day for the rest of your life she will know her Daddy has "got her." She will know that you are her safe place. The one man in her life who won't hurt her or let her down. She will always know that the safest place is in your arms whether she is 2 or 20. I can't wait to watch her grow and see all thing you will teach her. I hope she is like you. So outgoing and not afraid of anything. 

Mark, I hope you know how proud I am of you. Havning a baby is so much harder than we ever expected but it is also so much more fun. I have never expierenced love like this and to share it with you is truly a privilege. I used to think you were put on this Earth to be my husband. But now I know it was something far more important. It was to be her Daddy. And oh how lucky is she to have you. Thank you  Mark for being amazing. Not just on Father's Day, but everyday. You mean the absolute World to us. I'm so thankful God chose you to be the Head of our Household! We love you more than you could ever know, Daddio:)

With love, your girls

Caitlin & Tenley

My Experience with PPD

I've decided I wanted to tell you all about my experience with post postpartum depression. This is very different for me because I never talk about the negative aspects in my life. I post pictures of my extremely handsome husband, we are hugging and kissing and I tell you how perfect he is. (Which is true.) I post pictures of my smiling happy baby and tell you how in love I am with my daughter. (Which is DEFINITELY true.) And to be honest, the chances of me posting the downs in my life are slim. You won't see me on Facebook talking about the (rare) spats I have with my husband, or the times when I feel like I'm not being the best mother I can be. And its not because I'm fake or want everyone to think that my life is perfect. But frankly it is none of anyone's business. What happens in the 4 walls of my home is private and what I share is for me to decide. BUT I do want to tell you a little about the couple of weeks after I gave birth to my daughter. It wasn't pretty and I really thought that I was in a hole that I would not be able to climb out of.
So let's start from the beginning.
Tenley's birth was a little traumatic ending in a C-Section. But the moment I held her in my arms I knew that I was the happiest I had ever been. On our 2nd day the nurse came in with a pamphlet and check sheet and wanted to talk to Mark and I about post postpartum depression. I literally laughed in her face. I thought to myself, "Is she kidding?? ME? Does she not see this perfect baby I'm holding? How could I EVER be depressed??" I thought post postpartum depression was about not wanting your baby or physically hurting them when you couldn't take the crying. I didn't know PPD came in many forms. Fast forward to the day we brought our bundle of joy home. My dad picked up Olive Garden, my grandmother was at my house cleaning, and we all had lunch together. They left that afternoon and all of a sudden it was just me, Mark, and this little creature that I had no idea what to do with. Everyone told me it would happen but not 2 minutes after my family left and the commotion had settled I burst into tears looking at my daughter. I was so in love and in awe of her but I realized in that moment that I was also terrified. Could I do this? Could I be the best Momma to her? What if I screw it all up? After all I had never done this before.
The hardest thing was breast feeding, the first couple of days it was ok but I had an extremely lazy eater. She would nurse for what seemed like an hour and not be satisfied. She would try to sleep once she latched and we would have to stimulate her through the entire process. There is nothing like nursing your baby but it is also HARD. It became extremely painful and she never seemed to be truly full. We got help from friends and family (without them I wouldn't have made it as long as I did) and even went to Birmingham to meet with a lactation consultant. After 2 weeks I decided I would pump and gradually ease her into formula. Her 2nd formula bottle she violently spit it up to the point it was coming out of her nose. Talk about MOM GUILT. Could I really not work through the pain to give my daughter what she needed? What about what I needed??? Then we realized if we gave her breast milk first and then supplemented with formula she did just fine. I wish I realized then that I could have done both. Why did I feel like it had to be one or the other? I wish more than anything I would have stayed with it but at the time formula was all I could see.

I also cried pretty much constantly. Over everything. Poor Mark would come home and I would fall apart. He was supportive and everything I could have asked for. One night he took me, my sister, and the baby to dinner. She was less than two weeks old. I'm sure my mom was having a fit! Ha! But it was just what I needed. Just 2 hours out of the house helped me so much.

I had ZERO appetite. Not eating and breastfeeding do not go together. I think part of all this was the pain medicine which is why I want to try very hard for a VBAC the next go around.

I felt like I had to prove myself as a wife and mother. I was a week post postpartum and I was trying to do do dishes and laundry because I felt like I had to. I had just had MAJOR surgery and my body was still trying to heal. Looking back I wonder why I thought any of that mattered. All I needed to do was hold my baby, feed her, change her, and try to squeeze in a shower. No one cared that my house was messy, they just wanted to see my baby.

I felt like I was in a very dark tunnel with no light at the end. And then one day I realized that I was doing it.  I was being a MOM. We fell into a routine and the rock on chest started to lift. I started to give myself a little slack and stopped worrying over the small stuff. It was an amazing feeling. Don't get me wrong there are still days where I feel like I'm not getting any of it right. But I've learned to trust my insticts and thats the best advise I could ever give. Go with your gut. You know what YOUR baby needs.

So my message to all you mothers to be, try not to worry. Feed your baby however is best for you and your child. Screw the house work it can wait. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone. And it will get better. I won't say easier because just when you think you have it all figured out they will throw you for a loop. But isn't that the fun part of being a parent anyways? Maybe next time I will have a better handle on things. As long as my babies are provided for and know without a shadow of a doubt they are loved, then my job will be complete.